


can’t tell the reasons I did it for you

by idrilsdarkwritings (idrilhadhafang)



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abusive Snoke (Star Wars), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Dark, Angst, Dark, Done By Poe And Kylo To Themselves, Evil Snoke (Star Wars), Kylo Ren Has Issues, M/M, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Torture, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Unmasked Kylo Ren, Victim Blaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:13:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28701987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilsdarkwritings
Summary: Kylo Ren revealing his identity to Poe in the interrogation chamber leads to an unexpected turn of events.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron/Kylo Ren
Kudos: 9
Collections: Allbingo, Bad Day Collection, The Darkpilot Library





	can’t tell the reasons I did it for you

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Alter Ego
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Warnings: Torture, Evil Snoke
> 
> Author’s Notes: I remember oldestcharm basically saying that Kylo should have taken off his mask for Poe, and not for Rey. (Then again, considering he also took his mask off for Han, I don’t think that bit in TFA was meant to be shippy as much as Kylo trying to “humanize” himself for Rey, especially since Ren Sr. did something similar in TROKR) That plus listening to some music jarred this idea free. 
> 
> Title from “Frozen” by Within Temptation.

The moment after Poe said “You might wanna rethink your technique” was something he’d regret.   
  
Slowly, Kylo Ren took his helmet off with a click-hiss sort of noise, and Poe felt like he had been stabbed just seeing who was beneath the mask. It was something that he hadn’t thought of, probably didn’t want to even consider, because the alternative was too horrible to consider. The idea that the gentle, loving boy from his childhood had become a monster.   
  
“Yes, I am,” Kylo Ren said, in Ben Solo’s voice, with Ben Solo’s face. “I’ve been for a while.”  
  
“How...you aren’t — this can’t be you!” Poe’s wisecracking was already done with, disbelief taking over. “You can’t just be on the Dark Side. You can’t just betray everything you fought for.”  
  
“Oh, I’m the traitor?” Kylo said. His voice was sharp with anger. “I presume Leia Organa never let the truth of what happened reach her favorite’s ears?”  
  
“What are you talking about? She loved you. She had faith in you. She...missed you.” Poe swallowed as he spoke. “How could you suggest that she doesn’t love you?”  
  
“I resisted at first,” Kylo said. “I endured Snoke’s assaults on my mind with as much as I could muster. But then...Luke tried to kill me.”  
  
“No.” That was all Poe could say in the end.   
  
“I saw it,” Kylo said. “Don’t you...don’t you dare say it didn’t happen. I saw his lightsaber ignited, I saw that look...”  
  
Poe couldn’t speak for a moment. Then, “I don’t believe you."  
  
Kylo’s brows knotted in anger. “I should have known,” he said. “I should have known you’d disbelieve me. That you’d turn on me too.”  
  
“I just don’t know what to think!"  
  
Kylo paused. Then, “I see.”  
  
“I want to help you,” Poe said. “I...” He paused. It felt like his past romantic failures were coming back to haunt him. Zorii. So many faces and names that seemed blurred in his mind. The words “I love you” were on the top of his tongue, but he already feared what would happen next. If he could say them — at least to this dark reaper figure bearing Ben’s face and voice and history.   
  
Kylo’s face softened. “You were enough,” he said. “My family — Ben’s family let him down. Let me down. They brushed him under the cargo ramp once, and then they tried to do it again."  
  
"So your uncle did,” Poe said. “Your parents...maybe sending you there wasn’t a good idea. But the Academy...” Something occurred to him. “Did you kill them?”  
  
Kylo looked away, briefly. Then, "I good as did. There was...an explosion. A storm of some sorts. I still don’t know its origins. But it destroyed the Academy.” Then, "I failed them. I at least killed one Jedi, Voe. I suppose that...counts.”  
  
Poe couldn’t speak, just for a moment. There was a moment where he swore his head was spinning with confused emotions — with the knowledge that Kylo had been pushed to being Kylo, with anger over Voe’s murder (she hadn’t deserved that), with grief...  
  
"And my — General Organa didn’t even look for me,” Kylo continued. “She did nothing. She found someone better. Prettier. Not Force Sensitive. Good and kind.”  
  
“Even if she had, it doesn’t mean I do," Poe said. "I love you, Ben. I still do."  
  
He watched as Kylo’s eyes lowered again. “How is love supposed to save me from the sea of darkness I am drowning in?”  
  
“You could leave with me. We could...” Poe paused. Could he just turn his back on the Resistance? Even for the sake of saving Kylo?  
  
“It’s too late.”  
  
Their conversation was cut short even as Kylo contorted his face in pain. Muttering. “Supreme Leader...stop...just stop.”  
  
"Ben, it’s okay!” Poe struggled against the restraints. Kriff, he wished that his hands weren’t cuffed. “It’s okay, I’m here...”  
  
“Stop...stop...just make it stop. I don’t want to hurt him. I...can’t..."   
  
A trembling hand raising from Kylo. The sound in Poe’s head rumbling, like a prelude to an avalanche.   
  
“Just tell him where it is,” Kylo said. “It’ll be over soon enough...”  
  
“Ben!”  
  
 _— two boys, running through the fields of Yavin together —_  
  
“Just tell him," Kylo said. “That way, it can just stop...”  
  
Poe opened his mouth.  
  
Told him.   
  
It was shameful, it was awful, but he had to at least talk, just to save Kylo. Save his best friend, save the love of his life.   
  
"BB-8 has it...” Kylo buried his face in his hands, clearly trying to recover from Snoke’s mental assault. (How long had he been going through it?) “I...I suppose it takes a student of Leia Organa’s to...imitate her."  
  
“It seemed like the smartest thing to do,” Poe said. Kriff, Leia would never forgive him. Even if he had confessed to save her son’s life. Jess, Snap, Kare...no one would forgive him for the ultimate act of cowardice.   
  
Kylo walked towards him. “Just tell them that it was too much for you,” he said. “From a certain point of view, it’s true. You tried to save me. You did save me. It’s not your fault. I love you, Poe. I love you more than anything."  
  
“I love you, Ben.” Poe didn’t know if he could process what happened yet; what did you call it when your torturer was forced to do it?  
  
“I know.”  
  
The helmet was back on. Back to good and evil again. Kylo walked out; Poe could hear him mind tricking Hux if only to do clean up after the incident in the interrogation chamber — at least telling him he’d say nothing to the rest of the First Order about this.   
  
Poe closed his eyes, and let the tears leak out.


End file.
